Ride gyan-1

          

My thinking goes overboard while riding my two-wheeler. Sometimes, i would imagine some situations and wish it to happen. Otherwise, i would try to hum some song. But of late, all philosophical thoughts only.

I was thinking why should i try to be a superwoman who would excel in everything. I came across this shorts in instagram, where a lady was saying, people judge me when i hire a maid or cook. They think i should do everything and why is she wasting money. But, actually it helps me to focus better on my job and i can improvise myself.

It actually got me into thinking. Even i have a cook and maid. Though i pay them considerably, sometimes i would think if i do those things myself i can save that money. But, then those days when they are on leave without notice, i just get into panic mode. Iam literally clueless on what i am going to do.. This happens only if it is my cook. I suddenly feel i cant survive without her. Then i try to calm myself and then get into action. Sometimes, i cook just rice and get all the sambar, rasam and koottu from sangeetha.

But, when she is on leave with advance notice, i plan my day and do all the work like clockwork, this is when i get overboard and cocky and think i handle everything on my own. But, after a week of doing everything on my own , the relief i feel when i see her face cannot be described in words :)

Also, why should i try to be a superwoman, I studied CA to work and earn money. And iam working non-stop, practicing part time and also taking classes. Apart from this i have to pick and drop Pa in school and all the classes. And sit with her for projects, and studies and private Hindi exam. And also do grocery shopping and veggies shopping, pay bills -  though all these are online - planning and keeping track literally makes me exhausted.

And all through this i worry iam not giving healthy food by myself and depending on cook. 

But, today i had this gyan - Why should i try to be a superwoman with million hands taking care of everything. Iam doing my best and giving more than 100%. I can handle only this much. When they reach their maturity level, they will eat sensibly or even if not I can only do so much. So, why iam putting everything on my head. Ithe velaiya pochu enakku, as if everything is dependent on me nnu nenaikkarthe. 

Parenting

 Today I saw a post from popular makeup artist in Instagram (asmitha). I have been following her for a while, not that iam into Makeup. I dont mean to degrade makeup and all, just that its not my cup of tea. Iam very lethargic when it comes to self grooming and tend to ignore. Its not something iam proud of. But which i want to change over time.

Ok, coming back to the post. Long back, there was a post where the kid breaks perfume in airport in a store and the mom calmly pacifies the child and pays for the broken perfume bottle.

There was so much controversy over this. First of all, who are we to judge. Just because it is in social media, each and every person cannot take the mantle and pass their comments. If you are that vetti, please utilise your time to do something productive or still talk about right of expression, then she also has the same right. Its her child and she can do whatever she wants. 

There is no universal rule for parenting. Each person handles to their best and donot jump immediately and give unsolicited advices. You dont know anything about the child's condition or the environment they are in. Their parents know better on handling their child. This was actually the topic i wanted to discuss in the first line.

She shared her experience in todays post (05.12.24-in my feed) and below there was a note saying ' Not inviting unsolicited advices from gentle parenting torch bearers' Not in the same words though :)

I loved it.

Travel

 I didnt travel out of Chennai, but just from Besant nagar to Greams Road. Athukke travel nnu Title because it felt like forever. (i dont like to think about bangalore at all . Aathu suggested going to bangalore for birthday which falls during year end, i was like strict no and after this episode - no means no thaan)

First time, i didnt nondify mobile while travelling and was parakku paathufying people and the places. I have been of late reading this again and again somewhere - please learn to sit still, without doing anything meaning - without speaking to anyone or most important not to look into one's mobile or others also for that matter.

This experience was like that - I was looking at a fellow aunty - who was coming near our cab for about 1 km talking in her mobile - ithula enna vishayam na - though she had her car window - her voice was audible outside. She didnt realise and was talking ( not happily though , think it was an official call). Everyone were looking at her while crossing but she was blissfully unaware. Antha eraichal layum her voice was audible , athuthaan highlight - morning 9.30 traffic adyar bridge.

Then, another aunty in her two-wheeler trying to balance her dupatta and bag and with a very big helmet navigating among the autos and the fellow two-wheelers who were rushing to catch something or the other. Though i was in a hurry, i was watching all these unfold. It was like watching drama unfold when u are just a spectator but not a participant. Because everyone were participating in that.

I was trying to guess each of their story - ok, that uncle is going to office and he is the CEO there, because of his foreign car and that Aunty was wearing a suit, so she must be some advertisement consultant or architect going to client place. 

On the whole, it was different. Actual ah naan onnum solla varala, just recording my thoughts :)

Ok, the point is i went to a seminar where the food is free and knowledge is charged. 

Methu vadai and tea for morning snack

Phulka paneer butter masala, Pulav , sambar sadam , pappadam and curd rice

Samosa and tea - evening snack

Ellam mudichutu came back  to home.

Only to find Pa not well and vomiting . 

So, buttermilk vendhayam ellam kuduthu bed kku anuppittu, listening to amazon prime playlist and writing this post.

Random thoughts-I

 Saturdays are my hectic days. Need to drop and pick Pa from school and this takes to and fro twice and apart from that Hindi class and again this also to and fro twice. So, literally I travel to the same place four times.

So, appadi oru prayanam bothu vantha random thought. I was just watching the pedestrians while waiting in the signal. They were wearing different kind of clothes. 

Some were casually dressed and others took care and some others didnt even care. Iam actually a stranger and i have no idea whether that dress is new or worn 100 times. 

Same with my case, people who see me will not remember anything. Atleast in my case, iam so bad in remembering costumes or jewellery. So, why should i spend more money on clothes. My only weakness is clothes. I have this habit of visiting various sites and adding to their cart and just watching all these instagram saree shops.

And I wonder at the number of people doing business in instagram, Are there really so many people who buy sarees and if so, will they be buying every month. How are these businesses surviving and what would be their profit margin. 

Because there are many shops from udumulpet or erode or namakkal where we wouldnt even step if we visit those areas. And here in Chennai itself we are very much brand conscious and every time visit the same Nalli or Westside ( my current favourite)

Apart from all the above, i was thinking about the dresses i bought during my childhood and those which were special.

One such is a sky blue frock which i remember very well because i went to VGP with my mama who is just 15 years old than me and with whom i grew up and also my mama's athai ponnu whom i call akka.

It was a very nice outing because we got to ride almost all the rides free, Reason being one of my mama's friend was working there and we even got a picture with me holding a big balloon.

And the next one is a pink salwar when i was in 3rd std which my another mama and mami got for me. It was my first salwar with a dupatta which I was proudly flaunting.

Those days, we got dresses only for occasions like deepavali and birthdays and not even pongal.

That feel is missing somehow. But, i got the same feel recently when i went to treat myself after the full  batch i taught got 95+. I just went on my own without aathu or kids and shopped which was my first experience. It was very special to buy something without any occasion and to celebrate. It felt just so good.

Dear Diary - I

 Yesterday was aathu's birthday. He was unable to come home. He is in Mumbai. So, me P and Pa wished him at 12 and we had some fun conversation.

Also, his elder brother's wedding anniversary too falls on the same date . Sometimes ,  I wonder whether his father intentionally chose this date to maintain some eternal connection between the brothers.

What happened during that wedding is another story.

I like to wish people irrespective of whether they do the same for me. I always donot forget their birthdays and wedding anniversaries. This has been my habit.

Why all these stories because i got hurt badly yesterday. I donot know whether it was intentional or just akkairai from him(the brother). I wished both manni and anna separately and received the Thank you message immediately from anna also adding that he wish that his brother has a peaceful and healthy birthday.

I learnt later that he wished him early in the morning with simple Happy birthday. But, why this long message for me. I felt may be he is pointing me that he is not peaceful and healthy because of me or he wish i give him all those things or he blames me for those things. All these have been circling my mind yesterday and suddenly i felt i have no one to care or to even share feelings with. 

I strongly wish for my mother at these times and curse god for not giving me a father who doesnt bother about me but happily living with his other family. 

I know all these are thoughts due to periods but sometimes i get so overwhelmed.

IAM ALSO A HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS.

Weirdo

 Sometimes, i wonder, Am i a weirdo. 

In this current scenario of Prime, Netflix and whatnot, I haven't watched a single series but for one such which had Lakshmi and Madhubala. SWEET , KARAM AND COFFEE. I like lakshmi a lot and when the trailer came i was waiting for the release date and finished the series in one go.

Maybe that anxiety is what stopping me from watching series. I don't have control when it comes to certain things. Like if i start a book, i have to complete it , no matter what. I will read the whole night and be like a zombie the next day. And not to mention i read the last page after few minutes into the book.

Same thing with respect to movies. I see wikipedia for the plot and the story before watching any movie and it always creates a big war in our household. P doesnt like us revealing anything. He will not even allow us to discuss any movie and when i say discussion we are not allowed to even put forth our guesses.

And he wants to watch the movie from the beginning. Beginning means right from the first frame. It so happened when Vikram (the current one ) released, we booked for 1st day early morning show right before his 12th boards. And the previous night we were just discussing about the film. And aathu during the conversation casually mentioned, i think kamal would die in the film. Thats it. All hell broke loose. P started shouting - why did you say - You have spoiled everything - thats why i dont talk to you at all. 

And me being me, simply said - you have crossed your limit and as a punishment we are not going to the movie. Next day i stood my ground and we didnt go at all. 

I know i was being egoistic and stood sparring with him equally but somethings need to be emphasized to the children. Neraiya samayathula they test your patience, Ithu intha chamathu P ya , Kaanbathu kanava allathu nejamma nnu kooda neraiya doubts vanthirukku.

I think thats the thing with modern parenting. You oscillate like thirisangu sorgam between gentle parenting and the need to teach them discipline and manners.

I think by the time Pa comes to teens , thalaiyla oru mudi kooda minjaathunnu nenaikkaren.

I KNOW I ALWAYS START A TOPIC AND MOVE ON TO SOME OTHER THING.

Independence

 I have never been to hill station. Iam serious. Past 2 years only i have been travelling independently.... Though not alone it was very liberating.

Before marriage, always have travelled with uncles / aunts / grandmother. Only once that too for school excursion went to trichy and tanjavur. Even the travelling reduced to nil after my uncles moved from different towns to Chennai when i was 10. Before that went to mostly temples or relatives houses. Never once for sightseeing. 

When my cousins went to Ooty or kodaikkanal or Mysore - It was like a dream. Once my Uncle while returning from sabarimala gave us a choice in Madurai - antha side palani intha side kodaikkanal enga polamnu - Ennoda keragam nnu kovai sarala sonna maathiri - my paatti chose palani. Avvalavuthaan athuvum buuusssss nnu pochu.

Seri after marriage honeymoon polamnu oru periya kanavu - But marriage la iruntha pala kozhapathula neraiya swamikku vendinathaala - romba poruppa went to Thirupathi along with my in-laws - athuve etho oru liberating ah irunthathu. After so many years i travelled.

Then, ore kadamai kannayiram - P happened and paatti at home - so was visiting only temples - short duration. Then for one of our anniversary made plans well in advance and went to Mysore for a quick trip - 2 nights and 3 days. 

Then again Agnayanavasam for 10 long years. Aathu was in Mumbai. After much hesitation and planning and we split ourselves and visited aathu in Mumbai. First P and Pa went to Mumbai with Aathu for 4 days and I was with paatti. Then P stayed as home and I went along with Pa to Mumbai. 

Wow - that was the freedom i was talking about in the first paragraph. Before that i was always accompanied by someone. First time i took Pa and went to Mumbai. It was frightening and at the same time exhilarating. Always i was treated like queen by my aathu. He will take care of everything. Checkin , luggage and everything and the last time was almost a decade ago. So, it was like all the more like first time. Going to the airport, checkin and boarding - ithuve enakku etho saathanai panna maathiri irunthathu.... Enakke enna paatha ore chirippu chirippa vanthathuu.... ithukke ivvalavu scene ah nnu.

I was thinking about my friends who traveled abroad for their UG even. Naano intha 40s la just oru Mumbai kke ivvalavu scene podrene nnu. 

Now my long time aasai fulfill agumnu nenaikkaren. Booked tickets to Madurai and Kodaikanal. Lets keep fingers crossed.

Now searching a good place to stay and for shopping. Google aandavare thunai. Paakkalam wanted to visit thirupparangunram too. P and Pa cooperate pannuvaangala nnu theriyala. ippove no kovil nnu solraanga parpom.