Back to self

Well, I really wanted to pour out my feelings. So again after raking my brain for few hours for my user id and password, re-entered my blog.
Did anything change between my last post and this one. Hmm, lots and none. I know I don't make sense.
Its just like that for me too. I found my passion in the mean while i.e teaching. I think I should have pursued it long back. It was actually taken out of sheer necessity. But, iam actually enjoying it to the core and I wish I could have found it earlier.
Well really wanted to record about P which requires separate post and about Pa. I am actually like the pendulum oscillating between the teen behavior and the kid. Sometimes I feel I might end up in the mental asylum. I literally cry and laugh at the same time with P and Pa.
I am proud at times, angry, hurt and everything just comes likes at the same time like the Chennai weather. During my childhood we used to ask whether it rained in bangalore and yes, there is rain here in Chennai. But now I am asking hey, ist raining there in saidapet? oh , yes it is raining in st.thomas mount. Though how the cloud knows the difference is mystery.

Well I started with something and ended up writing something

.

A small snippet between P and aathu when he went to pick him from school, he went along with Pa..

A : Yaaruda P antha ponnnu, unkitta kanlaye pesinale?

P : Unakku vera velaye illa….. Pooo

A : Illada, she was sitting in the van and pointed to Pa and asked " un sister ah?" in actions

P : Blushing.....(you want to know the image- u remember the girl in unnai arinthal - ajiths daughter - P is literal male version of that girl - with the same smile)

       Naan onnum sollala …….. amma paaru maaaa, ivana….

Everything is for GOOD

Well, I was unable to post in all these days  cause I forgot my password and email id. So thought why not open fresh and even opened a wordpress. But the familiarity bug bit me and I was not comfortable and somehow struggled and found entry into my domain. This is like a fresh BLOG for Pa, sister of P. Nevertheless the chronicles of P and CG WOULD also be recorded.

Past three years had been like roller-coaster and still it is. Some things cannot be shared even with your own Diary. I thought I was very weak until I had P. That was the first time I realized and relished my confidence and never-say-die attitude and will power. But now looking at things happening and that happened I would say it was like cakewalk now…

At least for my sake to get inspiration and relish I would like to record everything like I did with respect to P in my old blog. Even today when I read those posts its like revisiting those times even though P has grown very much for his age.

I always envied mothers having boys when I was little. I would be like “awwwwwww”  watching them walking with their mothers- the boys would be tall and would be having their hand on their mothers shoulders. Now its like that for me with P even though he is just 12. Naan kullamthaaan but still that fact cannot undermine his height though ;)

Pa not to be left behind is also tall like her brother and appa. She is really the savior of our family and just for this reason I have titled this post as above. Initially when I conceived thought do I really have to continue cause the age-gap between P and Pa was huge. Nevertheless wanted to continue since I didn’t want P to face the similar situation which Iam facing being only child and no parents. Though its not fair on my part to say that having a gift like my aathukarar at my side who more or less is like my mother.

Pa , she is the reason we have withstood all these turbulences these past years and acts as a glue between us , who would have  otherwise spent  lives  living like a kadamai with the problems. She really brought meaning and gave a purpose and not to leave behind who showed exemplary behavior and courage and understanding without whom I would have been lost and ended up in a mental facility , seriously this is not an exaggeration and the problems were SEVERE and still are. But without PRAYER and GOD really I don’t think we could have come this far….. I always think DESTINY is what is we are moving towards and really without SUPREME POWER we couldn’t have survived this catastrophe. Though nothing is over I sincerely believe GOD who brought us till this stage would really take us to the safe side. Its not like I have suddenly become preachy. There were times where I would be sincerely praying reciting all slogams and parayanams and times where just I would light the lamp and pray with folded hands. Nevertheless my belief is intact.

When I went to an astrologer few years back (etha thinna piththam theliyumnu irukkara oru mentality - now ennavena nadakkattum lets face it appadingara oru stage ) he told me – you have a peculiar character – it is a boon actually – even while you are suffering you take that in a good natured spirit and would look for positives in that and would relish the suffering – in his words “dhukkaththai aarathippaval” as sathguru said.

Thinking I thought may be he was true. I would always try to find a reason and would tell aaruthal myself – see if things had gone otherwise it would have been worse. Only because it happened this way iam able to do this/get this – so GOD really made it happen this way for this only. Everything right from my mothers demise to my fathers separation to choosing a particular stream of study to falling in love to having P and Pa to present day situation I really take things at its stride.
One more important lesson was that my aathukarar who is easily exploited learnt about people and this period he was able to distance himself from those persons who would otherwise have been a leech. No amount of reason or explanation would have done the job but even this I really consider the work of GOD I mean the problems.

WHATEVER MAY BE STILL I BELIEVE EVERYTHING IS FOR GOOD

New Arrival

This year has been the most dramatic year of my life so far. So many changes. Change is the only constant thing of life nnu padichathu ivvalavu applicable aagumnu nenaikkala.
First things first - P is the proud brother of little baby girl Pa. We have moved to our new home. P changed his school. Mothathula puthu veedu, puthu baby, puthu school, renewing of bonding with maamiyar, ore kalakkrachandru thaan. But all the more hectic. So new chronicles of Pa with existing ones of P and lots of interesting characters in apartment with over 400 houses to follow. Hope to record everything if not in order :-) 

Early morning gyan

I dont enjoy cooking. Period. I just do so that i will have something to eat and i can give others something to eat. Sometimes, my hormones would work over time and i would be in the cooking spree. Doing all new dishes and giving juices, soups and all healthy items to P. Mostly i would always ottify the time with the dosa/idly maavu (P being hardcore idli/dosa boy helps me mostly) We would always have the occasional tandoor items and the usual sambar rasam and the twice a week kootu or keerai. Rather than the cooking i hate this planning process- Whats for lunch, breakfast and dinner? Since everyone in the household cannot have rice for more than one meal, this really turns out to be a problem. Naanum evvalavu alternates thaan yosikkarthu? Why people should have appetite for 3 times and cant it be for just 2 per day?!!!!!!

Previously parents / teachers never really tried to understand a child i.e i mean they just pressured him to study all the subjects. They never cared about whether he likes maths / science/ language / english. But now we totally empathise with them and if they dont study we just say he is not good in that particular subject. So we just want him/her to scrape through it. Ennada sambandame illama academics varuthennu paarka koodathu iam into the subject only. Similarly why dont they ask us women whether u like cooking or not / whether u prefer cooking or not. It is just assumed that all women should cook and not only just cook but cook nicely. It is the mentality of everyone irrespectively. And also while cooking u r bound to get compared with mothers/aunts/grandmothers/ or antha chitthi / periamma etc..... If i get a chance i would jus like to sit, laze around and have coffee served and breakfast served for me. Okay u get all these in restaurants but one thing is i like to eat dosa while someone would vaarthufy and give me chuda chuda. Fed up of having it blunt without the crispiness and cold ones instead of the piping hot. What treat it would be to have ur tongue burnt and at the same time having hot dosa one after the other with kaara chutney or kothamalli chutney. What not i will give for this alone.................

Re-entry

Well, i have been meaning to write for a very long time. Not that i was busy but so many things happened in between. Passing away of near ones and acquaintances have taught valuable lessons. Not that losing people is new but the impact i felt previously is nothing comparatively. However you plan ahead you cannot escape fate - this is what comes to my mind when i think of those persons.
With respect to P - i should definitely record his growth here - the first and foremost purpose of this blog. He was extremely co-operative during difficult times and showed maturity in handling things. When i met a fellow parent, she was going ga-ga over P. It seems her son was a new-admission and it was P who helped him much with his work and settling down and made him comfortable. I was literally glowing with pride.
This is just a ullen ayya post to pull myself out of the slumber. More to come..

Kiddie talks - 29

Like any other day - mean the holiday season - we were scrambled over the bed and were having our bed time talks - as usual poor aathu was glued to his laptop while we were watching television and making fun of him. There comes song sequences at 11pm usually on Sun Music. Me and aathu would be pondering over those songs - usually Illayaraja's hits - would tell P about the hero , heroine and our movie watching experiences - each our own. If it was Rajinis and you can just swear that aathu would go on his favourite ramblings of his first day first show and would mouth the dialogues with exact flair. :)Our bedtime got extended by more than 3 hours since april.

The same routine happened yesterday too . Suddenly P got up and came near me and extended his hand shaking mine saying - Happy new day. I was thrown back and got it wrong first time - somehow we always associate anything to do with Happy and day to the Birthdays and was sincerely trying to recollect the day and was thinking - Illaye yaaroda birthday vum illayennnu..... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When he wished me the second time - I got it write . He didn't stop with that and did the same thing to aathu and promptly went to the daily sheet calender and meticulously tore the date sheet. Then only i saw the time and it was 12 am.

And it was really a nice feeling and the good feel continued in the morning too. What a way to start the day!!!!!!!

Happenings

Lets say this year started on a bhakthi note. We have been to temples and doing homams , poojas and what not. Apart from the regular venduthals , we are trying to regularise our so-called-bhakthi-dosage too. In this 8 years of marriage, only recently we had this ganapathi homam at home calling only handful of people. Not that we dont like people around, but i just get jittery at the thought of calling his relatives home. The so-called pathu (procedures - dos and donts during the sacred functions) in serving and doing poojas gives me nightmares. With abundance help from his chithi we successfully crossed the first step. All i did was the basic work and basic samayal whereas she came and took over the sambar and rasam segment. Serving of food portion was unceremoniously handed over to her in order to observe the proceedings. Finally all went well. And to say about the vaathiyaar, he was exactly like the father character(jeeva) in Nanban. Only the cough was missing and also like the character in vaali where he would say to Vivek about his illness. Literally we can count the ribs and bones. Out of affection for aathu, he came and did this homam inspite of his non-commitment policy thesedays.....(aanaaalum comment adikkama irukka mudiyala). During one of the coffee break , P was asking his appa - Ennappa strategic time-out ah!!!!!!!!!!! too much cricket i say!!!!!!

P is having his whale of time with the ongoing holidays which started way earlier. Playing cricket and no classes (his amma had taken mercy and didnt put him behind the bars in the name of summer classes). This is how I used to enjoy during my hols. We would just go home for the food and sleep and nothing else. Would be always either in road or friends place. Though we played varieties of games these kids know nothing but cricket. Boys are always boys!!!!!! They dont realise how much fun they are missing......

Last but not the least......P came on TV last friday. I mean he was part of the choir group which sang on the New years days function in Centenary hall shown live on Jaya Tv. Thought we were given the pass we were unable to go inside due to heavy crowd. So we had to rush back home to catch a glimpse on TV. Though he was suffering from stomach pain, vomiting, diarrhea the previous night and the morning, he went ahead with determination. And lo what did the kids get - packed veggie biryani on the d-day and biscuits, juices the previous day - rehearsal.