No school

 For the past 2 months , this has been the rambling of Pa. Never before she used to say this. So this came as a shocker to the mom, who didnt have trouble with P at all during his entire school days. (I know he was very much interested in escaping from mom's hands)

First thing was, I was unable to comprehend the reason behind that. She is very much amukkam type . P usually tells everything(even today - if i just say appadiyaa, ok) , but nothing works with Pa. Only recently i have started to get something from her (at the least). So , it was all the more difficult.

And people who know me well, can understand. I tend to imagine all the worst possible situations in my head and would be kavalapattufying within myself, though i would put up a very brave front. Only my aathu would be able to decipher me. He can immediately say from my voice (naanga thaan long distance kudumbam nadathurome) that iam troubled.

So, being a very sensitive and body strong basement weak mom, i started panicking and tried to get information from her friends. This process took me whole day because i called their moms and tried to first make them understand the situation. (What else u expect , when you child starts crying uncontrollably the moment you wake her up for school)

By that time i had imagined various situations from all the psychotic movies.....

Fine, coming to the point, it turned out that she had problem with her classmates. For the past 6 years she was in one section, which means they were all used to each other and a safe haven was formed. Now, this year, there was shuffling. Initial days were like honeymoon, where they all showed their nice side and it was fun for everyone. When things slowly started settling, bullying and ego problems cropped up.

But, as a mother, you imagine the worst possible scenario and think of all the bala and selvaraghan movies and let your own screenplay playout in front of you. Ist too much exposure to information or as a society we have turned worst or there is lack of trust?

Ithukku nadula when i was asking her - she was like

Why should i go to school?

Why cant i learn everything at home?

Anyways you only teach me everything, why dont i opt for home schooling?

Iam going to be an artist and fashion designer, why should i study science and other subjects?

Maths , i agree, i need for calcuations because i will open up a retail store for my fashion label

Intha kelvi ellam enakku ennannu kooda theriyathu at that age. Hmm enna pandrathu

Somehow, convinced her saying, its the Govt policy that every child should compulsorily go to school.

Life story

P is a college going kid now and when i was writing the previous post i couldnt but go through this post chennaigirl: Shock of the life (oreponnu.blogspot.com).

Hmm life is a cycle.....They say pls think before you speak and it is so true and now it has become reality.

And he is a movie buff and when he was doing his 10th after his exams, he used to write the list of movies he wanted to watch. Thats how crazy he is. And meticulously he started striking off the list.

It doesnt matter which language, he wants to watch movies, so when the time came for him to choose his group he chose commerce. I was not so surprised  when he wanted to join college, but when he opted for CA along with Bcom. 

There also, we didn't put pressure. He wanted to join college - co-ed (i couldnt find roll-on eyes emoji) . He missed his 11th and 12th due to Covid, so he wanted to experience that. Being understanding and gen-x parents we just nodded our heads.

Enakku therinju he was disillusioned of all college movies. But the reality bug bit him. He is like me - konjam self respect athigam and also konjam ego vum. The difference is he gets easily bogged down and gets into depression, whereas yours truly is very adamant and will try to get the best out of that situation - what may come iam not easily rattled.

Now, back to the story , he got bored of the course , the classmates who couldnt gel and the environment and totally lacked interest in everything. Slowly, he started hinting at change in course and starting fresh.

Initially, we were apprehensive, soon realized we cannot force and shifted him to VISCOM.

But the process was exhilarating. They start blaming us for everything - 

Why were u not clear about your course when we asked in the beginning - YOU DID NOT GIVE ME SPACE

We asked you thousand times and it was you who wanted to join college that too in the last minute when we ALREADY DECIDED to go with UG-CORRESPONDENCE and CA - I THOUGHT I NEEDED A BACKUP AND YOU ONLY BRAINWASHED ME WHENEVER U SPOKE

FINALLY - YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME 

Ennatha solla, whatever we do, we just want them to be happy more than anything.

Now, the justification for the Post title - When we used to have arguments , we used to tell him - we had none to guide us - we had to literally go and learn everything on our own and from our teens we have been taking care of ourselves as well my grandmother. 

My daughter Pa used to hear these things and yesterday night when we went to bed she asked for a story - It was already 11.30 ( she was studying for unit test) and i just said i dont have strength to think about one. Then she asked for my life story. I was like " Ennathu life story ah? " She was like - Nee P ya thittarche neriaya solluviye athu sollu

I was dumbstruck . Hmmm all times of India.

kiddie talk becomes Teen talk

 Just when i restarted to write the blog again i was going through all the Kiddie talks of P and was reminiscing the old times. 

Sometimes, i would just self evaluate, do i really behave like early 40's . Am i matured or do i atleast pretend to act matured. Whatever, the real test came.

If not here, where can i pour my heart out. I can really come back lets say 10 years later and introspect my feelings.

Well my Kiddo P is into college now studying Viscom, and how did i react when i figured he bunked college to go to the movie Barbie, with his girlfriend. Hmm, I was more mollified not because he went to movie with girlfriend but by telling me all bullshit stories underestimating my intelligence.

How did i figure out, he went? Well, that's a secret even my diary cannot know :)

When i confronted him, he openly cursed me taking classes and assumed one of the students would have spilled the beans.

Then he was trying to save his face by showing me the most cringe  instagram story he posted after the movie. He also assumed one of my student following him would have koluthipottufied.

I can even forgive him going to the movie but not the mega cringe post he posted " In barbie with my barbie" or something like that........ithellam enga poi azharathunnu theriala

And he tried to use the situation and wanted to bring her to home the following weekend. A big fight ensued not because i didnt want her to but i had already told him by busy schedule of that day. My daughter had a workshop and classes back to back that day and i had to reschedule my classes to accommodate. All these were communicated earlier to him. IN spite of that he planned and wanted to bring her.

Obviously , the nagging kid disguising himself as kid won. 

And i really had to give a pat to my aathu who was not in town but gave me a supporting hand ,shoulder and everything and was guiding like movies where the heroine who gets directions through blue tooth

Enna panrathu, these things really test me and indeed tells me KARMA IS A BOOMERANG

hmm , oru vazhiya i behaved very normally and also with dignity, and the event passed without any bloodshed.

I really dont know how i could have handled this better or how i can keep myself grounded and levelheaded in handling the future situations.

Kadavule enakku ellam handle panrathukku patience and strength kuduppa nnu daily pray panrathuthaan vazhinnu nenaikkaren

Kiddie talk - Pa

 When i posted 2 days back, it felt nice to go through all the posts and especially Kiddie talks by P.

So, i thought i should also record about Pa, who is in 5th std now. Though i have missed recording so much, something similar to P's incident happened. It was like a rerun of the old movie.

Pa is very close mouthed. She is not very divulging, in the sense, she filters her thoughts and actions when recounting the incidents. So, yesterday we were having the bed time. 

This year beginning all the sections got mercilessly shuffled and that is another story by itself. So, Pa is struggling a bit to adjust. And also the teachers behaviors making it worse for her.

As such Pa is very quiet and does all her work and is studious too. But daily morning she would say NO SCHOOL . I cajoled, coaxed and did what not to get the reason behind. The reason being " THE TEACHERS ARE RUDE AND ARE HITTING KIDS" 

All these 9 years i havent even called her name loudly. She would just get her dam going the moment i call her sternly. And P would always mock me saying ' nee enna evvalavu adichiruppa' . Though the realisation and gnanothayam is late, i do regret being that parent. Anyways everything is TRIAL AND ERROR , what say.

Coming to the main subject, when we were having bed time conversation , i recalled her friend saying the boys of the class were naughty and asked her who were the naughtiest. She said some 5 names and said S is the worst and he almost got TC. And i asked what the reason was - He was using words like "LOVE and all" in class. And V complained to the vice-principal and they warned him.

I was so shocked and taken aback. Then i started explaining its not wrong to talk about love and it means affection. Its nothing but affection shown among people. Like me loving Pa, her appa and her appa loving her and P. There is nothing wrong in thinking in those lines  unless it disturbs the other person and makes them uncomfortable.

I think bringing up kids these days is in itself a task similar to tight rope walking. You cannot just say ' YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE IAM YOUR PARENT' . They are past all those things. Each and everything should be explained and given reasons.

As my friend said, ithukke ippadinna, innum evvalavo irukku. 

Random thoughts

 Its been long time since I posted random thoughts. And yes i know i have kept one post hanging midway. I actually cannot bring myself to continue that. Maybe i would sometime later.

Yesterday, after long time (some 5-6 years later)spoke to one of my close friend. This set me going for some philosophical thoughts. How does one define close friend.

We studied together in school and till 8th we were just acquaintances and as fate was playing its role in mandatory shuffling of classes, we ended up together. Her friends and mine were left behind and we two ended up together in this class.

And again, she played a major role in me selecting my group -  COMMERCE in my 11th.

SHE IS THE CULPRIT - QUOTE  THERE IS THIS UNCLE WHO IS A CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT AND HE EARNS IN THOUSANDS UNQUOTE  

Immediately all my dreams were centered towards this MONEY MILKING COURSE WITH MINIMUM INVESTEMENT. 

Now when i think back, i curse that uncle and also my aathu who had this ambition of being a triplet. (This term was familiar to all the commerce students at that point of time. And i know the confusion of non commerce and also some commerce arivujeevi's ;) )  TRIPLET - CA, ICWA AND ACS.

Oru course eh inga naakku thalluthu ithula triplet vera.

OK, coming back to the main thing. The conversation between us just flowed and we were like, where are you now? how about kids and all. The ease was there. And she was saying we (3 friends) weren't meeting often and even her sis who is in US meets her friends regularly.

This got me going. Do we have real friendships or ist circumstantial or ist beneficial or ist relative?

Iam a typical CAPRICORN who has high ambitions and sets high standards regarding everything. The moment i sense fakeness i just withdraw myself. PREVIOUSLY, it was just drawing a line and not going there but now i have learnt to balance and be cordial. 

Vayasu aaga aaga , i think iam mellowing down and  becoming more accepting. 

I WATCHED THIS SWEET KARAM KAAPI in amazon prime. I liked it more and would definitely like to go on a trip and not with friends but with AATHU and just him alone, who is more accommodating and  more fun to be with.

2020 - life altering

Well, its been a long time since i even opened my blog. One thing i forgot my password and the username. Actually such is my life at the moment. HECTIC cannot even define.

I have been thinking i should definitely record the happenings . One it gave a new identity to the things i usually take for granted and it taught me better aspects about people and changed my outlook completely. 

Ennada, ivvalavu bayangarama oru buildup ah naaa. yesss athethaaan. Sometimes i get nightmare thinking about that. And it made my faith in god more solid. My thinking always is positive. Meaning i always look on the positive aspects of any situation rather than the flip side. Such is my nature. 

We have been on our own for quite few years, literally from the birth of Pa 2013 due to circumstances which cannot be disclosed in open ;)  But, its a nice phase i just love it. No family politics, no drama, no jealousy and no compulsion. Its a nice space. Iam not plagued by unnecessary thoughts and iam so occupied that i completely forget about other things.

I practice part time and also take classes for senior secondary and college students. Life cannot get better than this but for some results of the wrong decisions taken in the past by aathu and me (of course i cant place the blame entirely on his shoulders - 50-50 partners). Its a result of too much empathy and too much shouldering the world . Enna panna we both are made like that.

Ok now , coming to the story ahead, COVID - 19 hit. Lockdown. It was one of the wonderful phase in our lives. Though after few weeks aathu was hitching to go back to work , we had very good time and it was like - engal veettil ella naalum kaarthigai kind of thing. New recipes, cooking, going to shop was like disneyland trip. Seeing real people on road other than TV was like a super duper fun thing, with their masks on. I loved the sanitizer part and it smelled nice. We all smelled good ... hahaha...

So much of regulations and people were suddenly following the rules. (though i couldnt understand a single lady taking 10 50-50 biscuits and 20 - maggi packets and another home delivery sack containing all the junk in the world) .

Then , the first relaxation was announced around May mid . Aaathu was raring to go for work. Since it was a government project, he didnt have much restrictions and went to trichy. Everything was ok for a week.

We had usual conversation on sunday and sent few pictures of Pa posing to him through Whatsapp. 

And he was all the way not so well. There was some kind of disturbance. Do they call that premonition or something, i dont really know. Since it was COVID period he had difficulty in getting a place to stay. So, they found him a mansion which literally had just a cot. There were so many restrictions, so he couldnt afford to show that he was from chennai. Because of high number of cases in chennai, they literally were treating people from Chennai as some aliens.

And the night came and as ususal he was talking over phone and the next day was his mom's birthday. All was ok, since he was alone he would watch movies. He asked some suggestion to P. Those who know P, he is now a grown one studying I YEAR. (YES, ITS A SHOCKER TO ME, NOW TO READ ALL THE CHRONICLES). 

And now getting back, P suggested TRANCE (the malayalam movie - it happened in 2020) (and this is a half-written blog in 2020 and now iam continuing , so pardon if the grammar tense is somewhat vague) (and i wanted to finish this somehow). The next day was also the birthday of one his acquaintance and he was wishing him and talking with him too.

AND THE MORNING CAME. Got the usual call from Aathu and felt something was not right. He said he had some discomfort throughout the night and just came to the hospital. I said ok, go and check and keep me informed. 

After sometime , he called back and said the doctor asked him to get admitted since he feels it might be heart attack. AND I CANT EVEN GO BACK AND IMAGINE WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO HEAR. He was some 350 kms away and saying this to me over phone. And he also started convincing me that it was not that and the Hospital wanted to make money and wanted to take him as scapegoat. 

He even had the audacity to compare the situation with singaravelan movie - venniradai murthy doctor.

Fortunately , one of his friends daughter is a doctor in Ramachandra and he had the presence of mind to send the reports to her. And she said immediately, UNCLE PLS GO AND GET ADMITTED AND DONT DELAY AND DONT EVEN WALK AND IT SEEMS TO BE HEART ATTACK ONLY.

Find a job!!!!!!

Yesterday went for purchase with Pa, and there was a furniture shop right next to the provision store. Pa wanted a new sofa...

me : we cant get new sofa now, as we don't have space for that in our home.

Pa : Ok. Lets move on to new home...

Me : blinking profusely....

Pa : I need to say bye to A when she comes from school today.

Me : Why? Is she going anywhere?

Pa : no, we are moving to a new home right????

Me: Who said?

Pa : Then only we can get that sofa right?

Me : No. not immediately, may be later.

Then, we finished our purchase and were coming home. She saw a new apartment under construction on the way..

Pa : Is that our new home being constructed?

Me : Engennthu thaan ithellam thonartho theriyalaye??  ( P was total chamathu paiyan), Its not ours baby.... we can get one later when we have enough money....

Pa : Why don't we have enough money? You go and earn...

Me : Iam earning and appa too. But, its not enough.

Pa :  Ok. Then I will earn, Find jobs for kids, so that I will earn and give you I already have Rs.1000

Me : dumb stuck... Immediately P's response for this would be ITHUKKU THAAN AVALA PEPPA PIG PAAKKA KOODATHUNNU SOLRATHU...

Actually Pa learnt fluent English from the you tube watching all cartoons and her thought process is also in English, and with that culture

Hmm, advantage as well disadvantage.. What u say